All too often we find ourselves in a situation where we have to give a speech that expresses some message that we may not fully believe in. Alex’s research points out that before giving this type of speech, we had better spend some time finding out how we can come to grips with the message that we are delivering. Otherwise our body language will give us away…

- Dr. Jim Anderson
The Accidental Communicator Blog
“Learn How To Calm Your Fears, Wow Your Audience, And Get Your Point Across”

“Negusi knew only two expressions n English: “problem” and “no problem”. But using this gibberish we communicated ably in the most fraught circumstances. In conjunction with the wordless signals particular to each human being and which can speak volumes if only we would observe him carefully – drink it in, as it were – two words sufficed for us to feel no chasm between us and made traveling together possible”

I love all your points in this post, but a big AMEN to “I have never been a fan of speech coaching which focuses on body language and vocal variety. It results in forced, artificial and sometimes quite weird speakers.”

If — to use your example — someone tells me to look open when I’m feeling closed, they’re encouraging me in essence to be fake or to lie. They’re also depriving me of insightful reflection. Am I feeling closed or defensive? If so, what about this situation makes me feel that way? Is it something external (a hypercritical boss, perhaps) or internal (my nagging self doubt)? How can I approach or think about what I’m doing in a different way?