How to get the most out of Toastmasters

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Toastmasters is a great organisation to join to get lots of speaking practice and increase your confidence. I was in Toastmasters for eight years and it made a huge difference to my life - I became a confident speaker, an effective social networker … and I met my husband there!

It makes a huge difference in many people’s lives. I saw shy, withdrawn people become chatty and confident. I saw unremarkable people transformed into inspiring leaders. If you’re thinking of joining Toastmasters to develop your public speaking and social confidence, I do recommend it. Find a club near you using Toastmasters club locator.

But when it comes to developing presentation skills for the business world, the Toastmasters programme suffers from two flaws:

1. It overemphasises superficial skills - like body language and vocal variety - while ignoring critical skills - like developing a memorable message for your presentation.
2. Once you have developed basic skills, the Toastmasters official programme does not include the learning experiences which can help you develop further.

Despite these flaws, Toastmasters does offer a lot. In this post, I’ll show how to get the most out of Toastmasters - both for new members and for experienced Toastmasters.

For new Toastmasters

1. Take every opportunity to speak

There are two parts to getting better as a speaker - speaking lots and getting feedback. Toastmasters is great for the first. You can speak at every meeting - whether it’s giving a prepared speech, practicing impromptu speaking, or evaluating another member’s speech (for more information see Toastmasters- How does it work).

2. Ignore your assigned evaluator (most of the time)

Virtually every time you give a speech in Toastmasters you are evaluated by another member. There are two reasons why you should take the feedback you’re given by your evaluator with a grain of salt:

1. The beautiful thing about Toastmasters - that you’re all there to improve yourself and help each other - is also one of its flaws. Most Toastmasters are not experts at giving useful feedback.
2. The evaluation of your speech is given within the same meeting. So the evaluator has limited time to consider their remarks and has to do it while the meeting is being conducted.

The result is that most evaluations focus on the superficial and easy-to-see aspects of a speech. They ignore the more important, but difficult to analyse, aspects of the speech.

Toastmasters evaluations overemphasise vocal variety, body language and ums and ahs. Focusing on these aspects of speechmaking leads to people performing - rather than communicating.

That’s what happened to me. When I stood up to speak I switched into performance mode. After I left Toastmasters I needed intensive coaching to let go of performing and instead connect with the audience as individual human beings.

Many evaluations are also far too kind. It takes expertise and courage to give negative personal feedback in a compassionate way. So many Toastmasters avoid it. Toastmasters evaluations are generally positive, supportive and encouraging - it’s one of the great things about Toastmasters which makes it a safe place to learn public speaking. But sometimes we need feedback on the things we don’t do so well. And if you don’t get it, you won’t improve. That’s why there are people who’ve been in Toastmasters for years and are still average speakers.

3. Find a trusted mentor to give you feedback

So you do need feedback. Speaking is not enough. Practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes permanent. Honest and constructive feedback is crucial to improving. Within your club find someone whose speaking style and approach you admire. Ask them to be your mentor and to give you honest and analytical feedback. Here are the two things that most Toatmasters evaluations don’t cover that you want them to give you feedback on:

1. The content of your speech - was it tailored to the needs of the audience, did it provide a take home message, what were the benefits of the speech to the audience, did the structure flow, did you back up your points with evidence?
2. Your connection with the audience - did you come across as genuinely communicating with people in the audience, did it feel like you were having a conversation with individuals?

4. Don’t copy the Toastmasters way of using PowerPoint

Toastmasters don’t seem to have caught up with the PowerPoint revolution. Here’s an example of a slide produced by Toastmasters International:

This is slide 2 out of 30 slides. It’s a perfect recipe for death by PowerPoint. Get your inspiration for Powerpoint slides from books like Presentation Zen (blog: PresentationZen) and Slideology (blog: Slideology). Other excellent PowerPoint design blogs are Dave Paradi’s Powerpoint Blog, Slides that Stick from Jan Schultink and PowerPoint Ninja from Brent Dykes.

For experienced Toastmasters

My most useful learning in Toastmasters came when Tony and I decided to present a session called “MindPower in Speechmaking” at the District 72 (New Zealand) Conference. We started preparing months in advance and spent every spare moment working on the session - refining scripts, developing participative exercises, and rehearsing. We delivered the session at several clubs before the Conference, videotaped ourselves and watched it back. I had never put so much work into one presentation.  I learnt a huge amount by working so intensively on one speech.

You can give yourself this learning opportunity too. But it’s not built into the Toastmasters programme - you have to take the initiative. Here are some things you can do to get the most out of Toastmasters.

1. Videotape yourself

Watching yourself present is a powerful way of getting feedback on how you come across. Although you can video yourself at home giving a speech - this gives you limited information. Take your video camera to your Toastmasters meeting and ask someone to video you. That way you can see what you’re like with a real audience.

2. Pretend it’s a different audience

One of the drawbacks of Toastmasters is that you’re generally presenting to the same audience. That means you don’t get any practice at tailoring your speech to a different audience - a core skill of presenting. Decide the type of audience you want to tailor your speech to. Then let your club know what role they’re playing and ask for feedback on the tailoring of the speech to that audience.

3. Repeat a speech several times

Most of the time in Toastmasters you plan a speech, you give it - and then move onto the next one. If you’re always giving a speech for the first time, it’s challenging to be 100% focused on simply communicating your message to the audience.  Once you’ve given the speech several times you can get out of your head and be with the audience.

Repeating a speech also enables you to fine-tune the content and monitor the impact of the changes you make. It’s an excellent learning opportunity.

4. Speak at other clubs and conferences

After a while, the Toastmasters club you belong to becomes your comfort zone. You know everyone there,  they’re all friendly and encouraging. You know they’ll be warm and supportive even when things go wrong. Step out of that comfort zone. Stretch yourself. Contact other clubs and ask to speak at one of their meetings.

5. Enter Toastmaster competitions

Competitions have two great advantages - you get to repeat a speech (point no 3) and you get to give it to different, and often larger, audiences (point no 4). So enter competitions to easily get those opportunities.

6. Offer to give an educational session

One of the drawbacks of Toastmasters is that all the speeches are relatively short. Much shorter than in the business world.

There’s a big difference between delivering a seven minute speech and a 40 minute presentation. With a seven minute speech you can rehearse five times, that’s only 35 minutes - with a 40 minute presentation that would be three hours 20 minutes. On the other hand a 40 minute presentation gives you the time to do things that can’t easily fit into a seven minute speech eg: incorporating audience participation.

So offer to give an educational session - the club members will benefit and you’ll gain from the experience of giving a longer presentation.

Don’t use the educational sessions prepared by Toastmasters. They weren’t any good when I was in Toastmasters and they haven’t improved. Prepare your own educational session based on your own experience.

7. Experiment

Toastmasters is a fantastic place to experiment and play with different speech ideas. You can’t do this in a normal business presentation. But to make this happen in Toastmasters it is up to you to take the initiative. When Tony Burns (my partner) was developing his material for paid conference speaking he used his Toastmasters club as a place for testing and finetuning his stories and his humour. Steve Pavlina, from the Personal Development for Smart People blog says:

I find Toastmasters to be a great environment for making mistakes and taking risks. I’ve done purely humorous speeches, gave a speech in film noir style, opened a speech with juggling, had the audience pretend to be superheroes, and incorporated wacky props like Barbie dolls and a ghost made from Kleenex and cotton balls. The supportive atmosphere of Toastmasters allows me to experiment well beyond the edges of what I’ve had the opportunity to do in front of other audiences. And I find that Toastmaster audiences appreciate a bit of wackiness and creativity, since they’ve already seen “the standard speech” a zillion times before.

In summary, Toastmasters is a great place to develop public speaking confidence - and by grabbing some of the ideas here you can make the most of your membership.

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I wish I’d spoken at my father’s funeral

Being able to express yourself publicly at important ceremonies and celebrations - funerals, weddings, christenings and birthdays - is one of the greatest gifts.

My father died 10 years ago. I was going to speak at his funeral. But when we arrived at the church all I could see were the distinguished, CEO-looking men in the audience (my father was an international businessman).  I felt intimidated and chose not to speak. That’s something I regret.

I’ll never turn down an invitation to give a eulogy again.

Don’t make the same mistake I made at my father’s funeral. If you’re given an opportunity to speak at a funeral or other family celebration, think of your regret if you don’t express yourself and your love for that person. On one side you’ll have your anxiety urging to stay quiet. On the other, you have your love for that person that that you would like to express publicly. Focus on the love, not the anxiety.

Take the pressure off

Here is some advice for taking the pressure off yourself as you prepare a eulogy or a speech for a family celebration.

1. You don’t have to provide an outline of their entire life.

The best eulogies are a snapshot or series of snapshots of the person’s life.  Comprehensive accounts of a person’s life are best left to written tributes and obituaries.

2. You don’t have to do a ton of research or talk to lots of other people.

Give your own recollections and your own perspective about the person. In a forum thread on giving a eulogy the most repeated advice was to share your personal memories.

3. You don’t have to lie.

Every person has some flaws. Don’t feel you have to avoid them. Be compassionately honest about the person - don’t idealize them. From the eulogy forum thread comes this beautifully written thought:

In the wan light of grief, annoying habits become endearing eccentricities; it feels good to honor the person who really lived, and not some idealized version that never existed.

4. You don’t have to make people laugh.

Moments of levity and humour are fine, and even welcome during a funeral service. However, if humour doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t force it. A trivial detail which people can relate to is often all that is required:

The only thing I remember about my grandmother’s eulogy was the priest describing how he could always tell she was in line for the Eucharist, because he could hear the tinkling of the armful of bracelets she perpetually wore. It was such a wonderful detail that it captured so much about her — her faith, her style, her position in her church. It was a lovely detail and I remember how much we all smiled and laughed when the priest said it — a bit of joy in the midst of our grief.

5. You don’t have to get it exactly right.

The exact words that you use and whether they come out right or not - is not important. This is not a business presentation. Nobody’s taking notes.

6. You don’t have to have a complicated structure.

Here’s an easy formula for your eulogy or speech. Think of three qualities the person has. Talk about each quality with a short story or anecdote to illustrate each one.

How to get through a eulogy without crying

1. Rehearsal is critical

The hardest thing about giving a eulogy is coping with the effect your words will have on you. Rehearse your speech several times so as to desensitize yourself to your own words. During your first rehearsal, you’ll probably find yourself tearing up. The second time it will happen a little less. The third time, hardly at all. Eventually, you’ll be able to give the speech without emotion welling up.

2. Have two sets of notes

I normally recommend against a full script - but a eulogy is one time where it can be very useful. The beauty (and normally the downside) of a script is that you don’t have to think about what you’re saying. In a normal presentation or speech this is deadly for the audience. But for a eulogy it maybe just what you need to carry you through it. So have brief bullet-point notes that you intend to use. And a fully-scripted set that you can fall-back on, should you get stuck.

3. Have a back-up

Despite the rehearsals you may find that in the highly-charged atmosphere of the funeral, emotion overcomes you. Allow yourself some silence to gather yourself. But arrange a back-up person to read your speech if you find yourself unable to carry on.

Other eulogy advice

In doing research for this post, I found a lot of impersonal rubbish about writing eulogies. But then I stumbled across this gem How to give a Eulogy by Tom Chiarella. I highly recommend reading this moving and insightful essay in full. But here are two of the insights that hit home for me:

1. Think of your audience in concentric circles

Your primary audience are the people most closely related to the deceased:

Standing there on the dais, consider the world as a series of concentric rings of loyalty. The people in the nearest ring, those in the front row, are owed the most. You should speak first to them. And then, in the next measure, to the room itself, which is the next ring, and only then to the physical world outside, the neighborhood, the town, the place, and then, just maybe, to the machinations of life-muffling institutions.

2. Think small

The writing and reading of a eulogy is, above all, the simple and elegant search for small truths. They don’t have to be truths that everyone agrees on, just ones they will recognize. This can be surprisingly hard, to take notice of the smallest, most unpolished details of a life and set them up for us to stare at in the wonder of recognition.

There’s one piece of advice he gives that I disagree with: “You must make them laugh”. I don’t think there’s anything we “must” do in a eulogy. And putting that sort of pressure on yourself could put you off doing it altogether. It’s far more important to give an imperfect eulogy, than not to give a perfect eulogy.

My latest opportunity to speak was at my daughter’s 21st birthday party. I was in charge of preparing vegeterian canapes for fifty, so I didn’t have time to sit down and prepare.

But I knew that in this particular context, what I said was not critical, and given the superb 50 year old brandy that we were toasting her with, unlikely to be remembered.

What was important was the emotion. My words were only a vehicle to express that emotion. And only one member of the audience really mattered - my daughter. And all I had to get across to her was that I loved her.

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The 6 reasons why face-to-face presenting is more persuasive

Seth Godin recently posted that as online methods of engaging and interacting improve, the expectations for face-to-face interactions such as sales calls, presentations and conferences will increase:

In other words, “I flew all the way here for this?” is going to be far more common than it used to be.

This got me thinking about whether we will continue to have face-to-face presentations. Does face-to-face presenting have an edge over video-conferencing and other online presentation technology?

I think so. Face-to-face presenting is inherently more persuasive. For many of us this is intuitive. If you want to persuade someone, going to see them is likely to be more effective than the phone, and the phone is likely to be more effective than sending them an e-mail.

Social psychologist Robert Cialdini in his classic work Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion identifies six weapons of influence. Here’s how these factors can be more effective in a face-to-face setting:

1. Reciprocation - we feel some obligation to return favors.

If a person has made the effort to prepare and deliver a face-to-face presentation, we are likely to reciprocate by carefully considering what they say. We owe them that. When I watch a presentation online and the presenter fails to engage me I have no hesitation in clicking away.  I’ve only once left a live presentation - and I felt awful doing it.

2. Commitment and consistency - if people make a commitment, they are likely to follow through on it.

Attending a live presentation and devoting time to it, is a form of commitment. So in order to act consistently with that commitment, audience members may be more likely to take action based on the presentation.

3. Social proof - we look to other people as guidance on how to act.

Being part of an audience is a very different experience to watching a video of the same presentation online by yourself. Could this be because the behaviour of other people helps us form our own response to the presenter.

4. Authority - we tend to obey authority figures.

Are we more likely to judge someone as authoritative when we see them face to face? I think this is likely.

5. Liking - we’re more easily persuaded by people we like.

Deciding whether we like someone we’ve seen or met online, takes time. Meeting people face-to-face, we can make millisecond judgments about whether we like them.

6. Scarcity - believing something is scarce makes us want it.

A live presentation is by definition scarce - being part of it is to feel part of something exclusive and special. When we see something on the internet, in most cases, we know that it’s also available to millions of other people - nothing special or exclusive about that.

You’ve likely visited the TED website. Hundred of good quality videos of fantastic presentations. It’s almost like being there! But it’s not. And despite the fact that I can watch all the presentations online, I would still love to be invited and I would pay to go.

Humans evolved in a face-to-face world.  We are optimised for the face-to-face situation. I believe face-to-face presenting will continue to have a persuasive edge. What do you think?

I wrote all this and then I read Guy Kawasaki’s post about amazing new technology from Cisco and Musion Systems. See it in action here. Three people on stage in Bangalore, India, but only one of them is really there - two of them are “holographic presences” beamed in from San Jose, California. From an audience point of view, there appears to be no distinction between the three men. I believe we would be fooled into reacting as if they were all face-to-face with us.

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